


The Voice in My Head

by StillNotGinger10



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Lewis Snart's A+ Parenting, M/M, Sort Of, Soulmates, soulmates can hear each others thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 00:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11862549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StillNotGinger10/pseuds/StillNotGinger10
Summary: Leonard thought, ‘Hi, I’m Leo,’ with all of his might, and pushed the words as hard as he could towards a mysterious figure that had no face but still seemed nothing but kind. Then he waited.And waited.-----------AU where soulmates can send each other messages through their thoughts.





	The Voice in My Head

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Голос в моей голове](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13323039) by [kotokoshka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotokoshka/pseuds/kotokoshka)



> Thanks to Batsutousai for playing beta reader for me! Without you, this story would be full of tense changes and misplaced commas.
> 
> I wasn't sure what to put as the rating, but went with T because this is from Len's POV and he has a lot of violence and murder in his life. Poor Len.

Some parents teach their children how to contact their soulmate before they even start school. Leonard’s parents didn’t. He’s one of the few students that hangs anxiously on his teacher’s every word as she explains what to do. He knew it involved thoughts. He’d heard enough over the years to guess that soulmates could somehow tell what each other were thinking, but no one had ever explained it the way his teacher had.

She told the whole class that soulmates could send thoughts back and forth, like messages over a phone. She explained that normally people could control what their soulmates heard or felt from them, but they lost this control when feeling too strong of an emotion. This way people weren’t being bombarded with their soulmate’s every last thought, but they would know if their soulmate was ecstatic or terrified, they’d be able to share in joy or help in times of trouble.

This explained why Leonard had never heard a thought beside his own. He wondered if he’d ever accidentally sent an emotion to his soulmate. He’d have to ask once he managed to contact them. It sounded easy, from what his teacher explained. He just needed to open his mind, envision someone on the other end, imagine the words he wanted to send, and then _push_ them towards the other person. Towards his soulmate. Towards a friend that would always be there, even on the nights when his dad drank too much or had his scary friends over.

So, Leonard thought, _‘Hi, I’m Leo,’_ with all of his might, and pushed the words as hard as he could towards a mysterious figure that had no face but still seemed nothing but kind. Then he waited.

And waited.

And by the end of the day, he’d still heard nothing.

He wasn't the only one. Some of his classmates got replies right away, but a lot of them were told that they’d have to wait. They were older than their soulmates and had to wait until their match learned how to send a message back.

Throughout the year, many of Leo’s classmates heard back from their soulmates. Some heard back the year after, or the one after that. Like all of those that were told to wait, Leo sent his soulmate a message every day. Just because he couldn't hear them, didn't mean that they should have to wait to hear from him.

But then days turned to months, and months turned to years. And years turned into many more years than Leonard was expecting to have to wait.

His soulmate wasn’t there for the nights that his dad drank. They weren’t there when his dad was arrested, or when his mom left. Not when Lisa was born, or when Leonard went to juvie and met Mick. They weren’t there for the good or the bad. Eventually Leo stopped sending messages, stopped going by Leo, started telling people to call him Len. And Len was sure that he didn't have a soulmate, and never would.

* * *

 

Len was a high school dropout in his early twenties when he first heard Barry’s voice.

_Hello? I’m Barry._

At first, Len thought he imagined the small, vulnerable voice. It had been a long time since he’d even thought of soulmates, much less listened for a voice in his own mind.

_Are you there? Can you hear me?_

He was sitting in a dirty apartment building that housed more mice and cockroaches than tenants, and that he and Mick generously called their safehouse.

_Am I doing this right? I hope so._

The only reason Len answered was because he knew Barry would eventually hear some thought or emotion of his, even if just by accident.

_Hi, Barry. I’m Len._

* * *

 

Len should have realized when he answered that he would never be able to stop talking to Barry. You can’t escape something that’s in your own mind, after all. Then again, if he hadn’t answered, Barry would have just sent him messages every day anyway. Maybe multiple times a day. If he was anything like Len, he would have, at least. And he was like Len in some ways, and completely different than him in others.

Barry was happy and light in a way Len could never remember being. He also cared about his family and friends just as fiercely as Len cared for Lisa and Mick, if in a simplified, childish way. He was smart, like Len, but he was book smart where Len was street smart. And Len learned all of this because he spoke to the kid every day for years.

At first, it was nothing but Barry’s favorite toys, friends, and subjects. He loved math and science. His friend Iris was better at drawing than he was. He was picked on by bullies, and was in desperate need of Len’s advice in a fight. Apparently, Barry’s parents didn't mind his roughhousing too much. His dad even started to call him Slugger after Len convinced him to start hitting back instead of running.

One of the first things Len asked was if Barry’s parents treated him alright. Once he heard about their happy family in their nice house, he decided it was best if he stayed away. He didn’t want to ruin their picture-perfect life.

The only time he reconsidered was after a few years, when Barry lost some of his light. Nothing about the night seemed abnormal until Len was woken by a sudden bout of fear. He was terrified, confused, angry, sad, hurt, and a million other emotions he didn’t know how to label. Except he wasn't, Barry was.

Trying to get an explanation from the kid proved useless while he was this upset. All Len heard were panicked screams about lightning, Barry’s mom, and yellow. Occasionally there was a full sentence, like _Where am I?_ but that wasn't any more helpful than the random words when Len wanted the question answered himself. It took nearly an hour before Len got Barry to actually concentrate enough to talk to him.

_They took him. They took him, Len._

_Took who?_

_My dad. He didn’t do it!_

_What happened, Barry?_

_Mom. There was so much blood and-_

Len was hit with another wave of sorrow. He felt sick, wretched, like the world was ending and it was trying to cause him as much pain as possible on its way down. If he ever found out who made Barry feel this way, he might take a page out of Mick’s book and burn them alive.

_Calm down, kid. Breathe. What happened?_

_The man in the lightning killed mom. But they took dad. They won’t believe me._

If Barry was as incoherent with them as he had been with Len, then he wasn’t sure he blamed them. But if there was one thing Len was always willing to do it was blame a cop when he was angry, so he decided that yes he could blame them for making his soulmate even more upset.

Over the course of the night, Len found out that Barry’s mother was stabbed. Barry saw a man in lightning commit the crime, but the police were blaming his father. Len wasn’t sure what to believe, but he was ready to kidnap Barry before he got anywhere near the foster care system. Then, Barry said he was staying with his best friend, Iris, while his dad’s trial was going on. Iris’s dad was a single parent and the cop that arrested Barry’s dad, and Len was still planning a kidnapping. He didn’t need to wait around to see if Joe was another Lewis.

But he didn’t get a chance to put his plan in motion, even after Barry’s dad was sentenced, with Barry surrounded by cops 24/7. Instead, he started checking that Barry was safe and happy each month, even after years passed. He looked for signs of abuse and couldn’t find anything wrong besides Joe’s refusal to allow Barry to see his father, so he let it be. Len wouldn't be a good guardian anyway. He could barely manage to take care of Lisa.

Barry was sad for a long time, but he grew happier. He told Len about Iris and school, and he gained an obsession with the unexplainable that Len couldn’t fault him for. Len even started sharing weird stories that he heard. He kept an ear out for a man in lightning, but he wouldn't hear anything until 2014, when a speedy crime fighter hit the streets of Central.

In the meantime, Barry had stories from college, and Len had stories about Lisa and Mick, with the criminal elements edited out. Barry started pushing Len about meeting in person when he was in high school, but he let the subject drop easily enough, probably recognizing that the age gap was pretty big and could be a problem while he was a minor. He pushed more once he was in college. Universities were full of people who agreed to go to the same college as their soulmate and found places to meet them their first day there. That was how Barry made it seem at least, but Len wouldn't know. He never went. Just another difference between them.

As Barry got older, Len edited out less of the crime in his heists stories. He didn't mention that he’d killed people, but he brought up that he stole. It was enough to get Barry to back off a little, but the kid still wanted to know him. It was a horrible idea, and Len was persuasive enough to keep Barry from pushing too hard and ruining things.

Len was careful to keep them on a first name basis and to give and learn as few personal details as possible. He didn't want to be tempted by knowing who Barry was. If he knew, he might go find him, and Barry didn't need that. He didn't need someone like Len complicating his life. If he slipped and told Barry who he was, he had no doubt the kid would put just as much effort into finding him as he did proving his dad’s innocence. It was better this way, with them knowing nothing.

There were a few times Len felt strong, unrestrained emotions from Barry, but never as strong as the night his mother died. Mostly just some bouts of anger in high school, nerves his first day of college, fear and excitement his first day at the CCPD, and nausea during some of his classes and when at crime scenes. Len wasn’t sure what Barry felt from him. Sometimes Barry seemed worried when contacting him, but he never mentioned any of Len’s thoughts or emotions outright.

The only time other time Len really worried about Barry based on these feelings was the week he went to visit Starling City to investigate yet another supernatural case. There was nothing out of the normal until after Barry was supposed to be on a train home. Len was hit with fear and pain that had him immediately on alert. He’d heard of the hooded archer that roamed the streets of Starling, and if the vigilante had so much as touched a hair on Barry’s head, then Len was going to make sure that he tasted his own arrows before he died. But some panicked messages back and forth with Barry ended with Barry assuring him it was nothing to worry about. And there wasn’t much Len could do to argue that when the fear and pain stopped almost as soon as they started.

When Barry finally, thankfully, made it home, Len thought they were in the clear. He could feel Barry’s excitement over the particle accelerator, and he let it lull him back to calm. Of course, Barry managed to find trouble with a purse robbery, but he still ended up safe back in his lab so Len wasn’t worried.

It wasn’t long after that Len was hit by pain intense enough to knock him out.

He came to hours later with Lisa kneeling over him. Once she told him about the particle accelerator explosion, he wasn’t sure who the pain belonged to, him or Barry. He tried to reach out to the kid, but got nothing.

Hours later, nothing.

Days later, nothing.

It wasn’t until weeks passed that Len accepted that Barry was in Central City with him. He must have been one of the many names on the list of casualties.

Len didn’t check. He didn’t want to know Barry’s last name. Didn’t want to learn more about what might have been.

* * *

 

Nine months after the accelerator explosion, Len had accepted that his soulmate was dead. He wasn't supposed to have one. He knew that even as a kid. He might have forgotten for nearly a decade while he had Barry in his head, but he remembered it once the voice was gone. People like him didn't get a happy ending. They didn't deserve to know people like Barry.

The realization made him cold and ruthless. He became one of the biggest, scariest names in the criminal scene, and he owed part of that to his newfound apathy for others’ happiness. It was a lot easier to kill a man when you felt empty.

Nine months of emptiness, of silence, and Len had forgotten what it was like to feel the emotions or thoughts of someone besides himself. That was why he didn’t understand what was happening at first when he felt surprise and confusion that were unexplainable given that he’d been sitting alone in a safehouse planning a heist to steal a diamond in Central.

It wasn’t until he heard Barry’s voice that he understood.

_Len? Are you still there?_

_Barry?_   He hated himself for sounding hesitant, but there was no way that Barry could really be talking to him.

_Len! I was—there was an accident with the particle accelerator. A storm. I was struck by lightning!_

Barry’s thoughts were as jumbled as they always were when he was excited, when he had too much to say and couldn’t wait to say it all at once, and it was enough to make Len smile for the first time in nine months.

_You okay? There’s been nothing but radio silence for a while now._

_I know. I’m sorry. They told me it’s been nine months. I only just woke up._

_Woke up?_

_I was in a coma._

A coma. Len hadn’t even considered it. He’d been out for so long. What kind of health problems could that cause? Could lightning cause?

_You okay?_

_Yeah. I guess the particle accelerator explosion saved me. Or stopped me from getting more injured than just needing a long nap._

Len wasn't sure how to respond to that. Nine months of hell for Len, one long nap for Barry.

_I’m sorry, I shouldn't joke. It’s just so weird, Len. I feel like I just got back from Starling yesterday._

_Your family must have been worried._

_I don't think they were the only ones that worried._

_No idea what you’re talking about, kid. Welcome back to the land of the living._

* * *

 

It took a while, and Len still wasn’t sure that he’d thawed out yet, or that he ever would completely, but he and Barry got back into the pattern of talking throughout the day, of joking and bantering, of flirting some. Len was still worried he might lose him again, but he would enjoy the time he had while he could.

There was one thing he’d like to do for Barry while he could: find the man in lightning. The first real clue he had was of the streak that had been rumored to appear in Central. A man moving so fast no one ever saw more than lightning as he stopped criminals. Even before that, there had been rumors of strange events—people with powers—in Central for months. It was enough to make Len plan a heist there. The diamond heist he was planning when he first heard Barry again. He’d hoped to get some revenge for Barry posthumously, but Barry being alive made it even better. His hopes were that the robbery would lure The Streak out. If it did, Len would find a way to slow him down. If it didn't, Len got a nice, expensive, diamond. Win-win.

He first tried to steal the diamond while it was being moved. The speedster showed up, and Len did his best to learn everything he could about him. He was real, that was the important part. It meant Len could make more concrete plans to stop him.

Len saw his speed, and he saw a weakness. The Streak stopped to help one of the guards. Len could use that.

Overall, it was a success. Len might have learned more, though, if Barry hadn’t distracted him. It wasn't often that Barry’s thoughts leaked through their connection without him meaning for them to. Len usually didn't mind, but this instance was enough to make him want to encourage Barry to try harder to censor himself. He really didn't need to know when Barry thought someone was attractive, no matter how mesmerizing the kid found their eyes.

* * *

 

The next time Len goes up against the Streak, it’s because his plan to steal the Kahndaq dynasty diamond from the museum is interrupted first by a cop, and then by the speedster.

Then again by Barry’s thoughts.

_Shit, that’s cold._

Thought at the same moment that Len shot the streak, and accompanied by a burst of pain in Len’s chest.

_Barry?_

_Kind of busy, Len. Can we talk later?_

Len wanted to laugh. Of course, he was busy, he was facing off against Len.

_Stop running and we can talk now._

Turns out Len didn't really need the cold gun to stop the speedster. Barry stopped as soon as Len sent the thought.

“Len?” he asked, turning to Len as the criminal lowered his goggles. Barry looked up as the sound of sirens roared around them. What would Len’s hero do now? “Sorry, Joe,” he said to the cop that he’d saved only moments before. Meeting the soulmate and the pseudo-parent all at once? Good thing Len had dressed up. “I’ll explain later,” Barry finished before racing forward and speeding both himself and Len away.

He stopped them in the woods, but still close enough to the city that Len could faintly hear cars speeding by. The sudden burst of speed, the change in location, was disorienting, but Len did his best not to show it. He’d spent years building a mask to hide his emotions and protect himself; he wasn't going to let it fall now.

The Flash lowered his hood, and gave Len his first look at Barry, his soulmate. He was young, but Len knew he would be. He was handsome and cheerful, and full of far more light then Len should ever be allowed to touch.

“Good to finally see you, Barry,” he drawled, smirk in place. One of them needed to break the silence, and Barry had just been staring so far.

“I can’t believe you’re…” Barry started, and Len waited for the worst. Barry couldn’t believe that he was…a criminal, the one that shot him, a thief, a murderer. But then Barry finished, “…here.”

Len wasn’t sure how to answer that, but he refused to show his surprise. “I can’t believe you’re The Streak.” All this time thinking the speedster in Central might be the man in lightning that killed Barry’s mother, and it turned out to be Barry.

“Actually, I prefer The Flash.”

Len smirked. “Cute.” Barry rolled his eyes, but smiled. “So, Flash, time for the million-dollar question: what will you do with me now?”

Barry’s forehead crinkled and his smile fell as he asked, “What do you mean?”

“I’m a criminal and a liar, and I hurt people and I rob them.” It hurt something in Len to be so blunt with Barry, but the kid needed to see the truth, needed to see why Len had stayed away for so long and why they would never work. “Are you going to arrest me, Flash?”

Barry took a half step back, almost like he was surprised or hurt, but how could he know who Len was and not know what he’d done? How could he not know what a hero like him was supposed to do with the bad guy?

“You’re my…Is this why you never wanted us to meet?”

“You never hid which side of the law you were on, kid.”

“And you never hid that you were a criminal. At least, not completely.” And Barry could just accept that part of him? Len doubted it, so he was surprised when Barry continued. “I always knew you were a thief, and if what I’ve heard around the station is true, if you’re as good as they say you are, then you don’t have to kill anyone to get what you want.”

“That’s true,” Len said cautiously, unsure if he was correctly guessing where Barry was going with this. “So I don’t kill, and you’ll be fine with me robbing people?”

“Well, you’ll only get away with it if you can outrun The Flash,” Barry said, smiling again, cockily this time.

Barry was willing to play the game with him, which sounded fun, but it also sounded too good to be true. Still, Len smiled back.

“And now that we’ve met,” Barry began, “when you’re not committing crimes, and I’m not stopping them, maybe we can meet up? Without the suits?”

“Just like that?” Len asked, because he wasn't getting any more invested than he was only for it to fall apart in a matter of weeks or months. “No trying to change me?”

“Len,” Barry said, a mix of a sigh and a laugh, “I’ve known you were a criminal most of my life. I’ve accepted it.” A real laugh this time. “At this point, it’d be kind of weird if you did change.”

Len made sure to keep his face blank as he processed this. He found it hard to believe, but Barry _was_ his soulmate so maybe he could take the chance.

Either he took too long to answer or super speed made Barry impatient, because he spoke again, quieter this time, “It’s not like you rob orphans or kick puppies or anything.”

Len smirked, he’d always liked Barry’s sense of humor. “So, keep committing crimes, but no kicking puppies?”

“Or robbing orphans,” Barry added, smiling.

“You’re ruining my plans for this weekend, kid.”

“Then how about new ones?” Barry asked, smile turning cocky again. “Coffee? With me?”

Len looked him up and down. “Alright, deal,” he said. “Now that’s settled, I don’t suppose you’d give me a ride back to town along with your number?”

Barry laughed, and it sounded even better in person than it did in Len’s head, before he sped them away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a like and/or comment if you liked it :)
> 
> I'm stillnotginger10 on Tumblr if anyone is interested following and/or chatting with me there.


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